Setting:Tay's house, the most amazing place ever!
Chad drove up to Taylor's without calling her first. There was something on his mind and he had to talk to her about it soon. He pulled into Taylor's driveway, got out of his car, went up to her door and rang the doorbell.
Taylor was all alone at home, DeVon was at a party and Tanya was at her friends house, she was just sitting there watching West Side Story as she heard the door bell ring. She got up to answer it.
Chad swallowed hard as his nerves racked. He waited for her to answer the door, praying to God that DeVon wouldn't answer.
Taylor twisted the door knob and opend the door revealing chad looking a little nervous, "Hey what's up?" she asked him holding out for his hand.
"Uh, I have to talk to you about something." Chad said, gazing as if he was looking straight through her. He didn't notice her hand before him. "It's killing me."
Taylor was instantly worried and expected the worse once again like it had been last time. "O-ok" she stammered, pulling her hand back and leading him inside.
Chad went and sat on her couch, trying to gather up the words to say. He waited for Taylor to sit next to him to start.
Taylor was ultimetley confused as she watched him sit on the couch, she walked and before sitting down asked, "Do you need anything, water? food?"
Chad shook his head no and looked over at her. "I talked to Nora and Missy earlier."
Taylor eyes widened, now she really expected the worst to come out of his mouth. She sat awkwardly beside him as she waited for what ever he had to say, wether it was good or bad.
"They said some things that really got to me," Chad said, hesitating a bit. "It was about what happened ..you know.."
Taylor felt her stomach drop. She hated talking about it, she wanted to avoid it, every time someone brought it up she wanted to crawl in a hole and die. She immediatly looked down avoiding his gaze, ".,..Ya, i know..." she wanted nothing more than to just leave the room right now
Chad felt his face getting warm and looked over at her. "I know that I hurt you.. But.. When they asked me if I knew how you felt.. I don't." He said, realizing he was making little or no sense. "Just tell me the truth, Taylor. You never really said much about it."
Taylor felt an icy drop of fear fall into the pit of her stomach, "I-I-I I thought we were never going to talk about this Chad..." she wasnt looking at him as she sat on that couch that she wished would swallow her, letting her leave this uncomfritable prison she seemed to be locked up in at the moment. She really hated this, he had no idea how much he hurt her, no one did.
Chad looked over at Taylor. "I know, but we have to. Sooner or later. I felt stupid, Taylor. They were asking me about you..and I couldn't answer them because I've talked about it more with Troy than I have you." He said, realizing how stupid it sounded.
She took at deep breathe, and when she spoke her voice was shaky, hold back tears with evey ounce of strength she had, "We-well I guess...it was the worst feeling in the world. Sitting there thinking that...that...that for some reason someone would do this to you, and then...you cant help but feel like it was some how your fault you know?" she said looking up at him quickly then looking back down, her eyes were watering, "I felt like...like...l-like i did something wrong, i still do, because if there wasnt anything wrong with me, you would have never ever done this to me. "
Chad was staring at the floor. "There was nothing wrong with you. I just..I don't even know how it happened. It was no one's fault but my own."
She was now crying, sitting there on the couch, "Then why are you here?" she said desperatly, "Why are you bringing this up!" she pleaded, "IT HURT! IT HURT SO FUCKING BAD I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF! ARE YOU HAPPY? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?"
Chad sat in silence, then lifted his gaze. He looked at Taylor with hurt in his eyes. "I don't even know. I didn't want to bring it up, but it isn't going anywhere! I know it has to hurt you. I... Maybe I should just leave." Chad said, wanting to run away from it all, but knowing that it wouldn't help.
She looked at him frustrated, "Yours just going to leave?" she asked, "You come here, asking me all these questions about how I felt, which was horrible, terrible, and I hated it, and then you just go? No. You came here to explain yourself, not for me to explain myself."
Chad sunk down in his seat, feeling like he was an inch tall. "...Finish." He managed to say quietly.
She sat down and said quietly, "I just...when you did that to me, the first thing I felt was...betrayl, like, how could you, then it was just depression, i didnt talk i didnt sleep i didnt even eat. After that I just blamed myself, telling myself if only i had thrown myself at you, this would have never happend, if only we hadnt broke up that night, this would have never happend, if only if only if only. I felt so infirior. I felt like you had never loved me, that this was all a joke, a cruel mean joke someone was playing on me, and I didnt even know how to handle it, at all, i dont think I have ever felt so sorry for my self and depressed in my life."
Chad felt a deep pang of emotion in his stomach. "I didn't know it was that bad." He whispered. He couldn't seem to bring himself to say more than ten words at a time, he was choking on them enough already. "I always said that I knew how I hurt you and I hated myself for it..but I didn't know that I hurt you that bad." He managed to say.
Taylor looked up at the cieling and wiped her eyes, "Ya well..." she said before trailing off, why was he here anyways? Making her pour out her heart, did he not realize it was going to take a while before she tottaly forgives him? She just sat there looking anywhere but him.
"I don't deserve you, Taylor. I really don't. I love you, but this is what makes me a bad boyfriend. I don't deserve anyone." Chad said, recalling what Missy and Nora had said. He kept running all the things they said through his mind, and he couldn't stop thinking about it.
Tay just sat there, looking at her hands as she felt numb. She didnt know what to say.
"I'm not asking for forgiveness, I'm really not. I know that I deserve pretty much anything that I get right now. Taylor, I'm sorry though. I didn't mean to hurt you. At all. And I know that doesn't change that I did. I just...I'm sorry for bringing it up, but what's the point in pretending like everything's okay when it's really not?"
Taylor sat there still not looking up from her current position, "You're right." she said quietly, "There is no use pretending...I- i guess I just want it all to go away you know?" she looked up with tears in her eyes
Chad swallowed hard. "I wish it would go away. But it won't. It's all that I've thought about, Tay. And I haven't even thought about the half of it."
Taylor laughed through her tears, besides the fact that he had hurt her and broken her heart, she still loved him, "Chad that doesnt even make sense" she said, taking his hand in hers. She was still crying but she was trying to get him to look at her.
Chad sighed. "I know it doesn't. I can't even think straight." He said, getting frustrated. He finally looked up at her.
Taylor gave Chad a hug, although she was still crying she said, "Chad its ok, I'll be alright." she whispered into his ear.
Chad hugged Taylor back. "Are you sure?" He asked quietly.
She still sat there holding on to him as she whispered in his ear, "No, I'm not sure about a lot of things, but I think Ill be ok" she answered.
Chad felt like a lot had been accomplished, at least he had an idea of how she felt now. He felt a smile start to creep across his face. "I love you, Taylor. I really do."
"I love you too, Chad." she said sitting back into her regular position, she really did love him, more than anyone could ever know